I have a million ideas...

[darkfyre_muse]

and just can't get them out, dammit. I am currently reading a book called "Finding Your Bipolar Muse". And one of the quotes pretty much sums up the last 15 or so years of my life.(Yes Half of it) "When I am in a mixed state I get all these ideas about writing and art and working but, I have no energy or motivation to do anything with them." Basically things get stuck in my head. (which is why often my lists of posts to make is huge but I never get around to doing anything about. And why often when I finally do write them down I apologize first about subjecting you to my drivel. {I actually haven't done that in awhile, neat.}) And why I cry when I write.

So since I seem to keep missing my opportunities to get this stuff out I am going to dump a list here and start picking through it. What I have been thinking about, musing over and generally distracted by.

~ Reading "Finding Your Bipolar Muse", in a completely random distracted 'I need a book mark way.
~ "I am NOT a Socialist" -- this is a rant that has been brewing for 2 months, it will be one of only 2
political posts that I will make this year.
~ faith -- mine, yours, the world at large
~ art and pain -- this one got in my head at 4AM some day last week. I got up with this huge idea of
explaining my creative process with two very specific paintings I did in college. That I
apparently never photographed. So I got up, dug them out of my portfolio, photographed them
and then spent almost an hour looking for either my download cable or the card reader, I
can find neither. The card is an xD (fuck you Olympus) so I can't the reader at work or on
the laptop. I forgot how much I loved those paintings. I need to start painting again.
~ work and frustration
~ sex -- and no not just that I'm not getting enough of this
~ sex and faith -- um yea this is ongoing and complicated beyond words so for 2 years I just haven't thought
much about it
~ what tuesday meant -- I had the most high, euphoric sense of being witness to something big
~ books -- while my stack is not nearly as impressive as julesk 's (you are a literary goddess) it
is pretty varied at the moment at least for me
~ GenX vs GenY and starting to blog

Other than all that things of been pretty up and down. I thought that I had kicked the general depressed funk that I've been in since Burning Man a couple weeks ago. And I had, sort of. I traded it for some rapid cycling and mixed states. I have an appointment in 2 weeks and am deciding what to say when I get there.

Oh yea and I found a new DENTIST!! I know I know you are currently giving me an odd look and wondering why this is so exciting. Well #1 he wasn't mean to me. I don't know the last time you went looking for one or how long it had been between visits but in my experience and that of others I know closely dentists can be relatively callous, sometimes mean and generally unsympathetic to people that have emotional(fear/anxiety) and financial problems seeking out dental care. I am trying to not hate the profession as a whole. Currently Dr. Godinez is their only hope imo. It didn't hurt that I didn't have any cavities or disintegrating fillings.

Comments

[drlori.livejournal.com]

Hugs.

PS. FWIW I've had good luck with dentists. (Shameless plug for relocation to VA!) If I did have issues, there are a number of practices in this area that advertise as "sedation dentistry" where they have nitrous available. Generally, those are also set up to be more spa like, foot massage, aroma therapy, etc... I'm not sure about the cost but I don't think its too bad given the people who I know who do use them.