Things I was tinking on the way home from LB at 2330

[darkfyre_muse]

Thought cycle #1. So I was reading this article earlier.
http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/articlerbmatch.aspx?cp-documentid=9497959&page=4
And it of course got me thinking about being one of those sappy couples. How I have been for 7.5 years now. And about what would have happened if in fall of 1996 two ships hadn't passed in the night but, instead lashed together and made a go off ot. Would I still be sitting here in CA? Would we be together? The only thing to know for certain is that we wouldn't be the same people, for better or for worse. I don't think it would be worth the risk. Sometimes I think you have to screw up really bad before you can see what works and what doesn't.

Thought cycle #2. "So what are you offering at the Temple?" My answer "Doing what where?"
Once I was assured that this was not some ritual worshiping Crimson as a deity(perish the thought and whatever you do don't suggest it), I thought about it. First reaction,took about 2 minutes in that, my HS yearbooks. My sister, who posed the question immediately asked why. "Well because they all sit on a shelf in the book room and make me feel uncomfortable/queasy/not happy when I see them." She seemed surprised by this and that surprised me. I am still going to do it but, I am now wondering "Why do I feel this way?" Generally speaking I don't think about high school unless something specifically reminds me. Unfortunately the good stuff is now all jumbled up with the bad stuff. Intellectually I know that the good outweighed the bad. But how much of that was a lie? More than is pretty to admit.

Thought cycle #3. How much of my brain is chemistry and how much is habit?

Comments

[oceansfire.livejournal.com]

for #1 - Remeber fuck ups make the world go round and that no one ever learned anything from stuff going right. It might be cliche but that doesn't mean it isn't true.

for #2 - I was not surprised that your yearbooks make you ill, more surprised that you think about high school at all. I think I have successfully repressed most of those memories (accept for those that involve hot beach volleyball players and the ones where I try to figure out when I first thought about kissing a girl and who it was). Although recent events have reminded me of certain less than pleasant aspects.

for #3 - I think your chemistry plays a huge role in creating the habits and then other chemistry makes it really hard to chenge them.

[darkfyre-muse.livejournal.com]

oo oo who was it?!

[oceansfire.livejournal.com]

I take the fifth as I would never admit to wanting to kiss anyone I knew at that time. Fortunately shortly there after Gera Boscoe transferred to our school and the seeds of dark and twisty were germinated in my brain.

[darkfyre-muse.livejournal.com]

grrr you WILL tell me. maybe after i vanquish you in the dome friday