darkfyre_muse | (no subject)

So I actually went to a Marine Corps social, kind of , thing last night. It was actually pretty good. Not too unexpectantly though, we ended up in a small group of people on the edge of the crowd which eventually dewindled to Steve and I and another couple that we hang out with sometimes. Deanne and I actually have alot in common, including a propencity to not get out much. It doesn't help that we both game and aren't totally into the whole wife-y thing.
So this is brought to the front of my mind an ongoing thought process. How do you meet new people? I am honestly looking for advice on this, because I am in a word BAD at it. Really I probably know the answer; Stop being a bum and call someone! We actually have met a number of people with shared interests yet neither party ever seems able to keep things going. Such our ongoing bum-ittude. (that IS a word, because I said so.)

So while I know what needs done anyone with any experience with this problem that has some advice or wants to commisserate please feel free.

We now resume our regularly scheduled programming.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I am terribly, horridly, godawful bad at meeting people. But I got lucky when I moved up here because I already knew

heptadecagram who knows everyone and really wants you to meet everyone and as such makes sure you get out and meet people until you are comfortable with at least some of them. I don't know what I'd have done otherwise - I don't have many friends at work and I know no one in my neighborhood and basically don't like going into situations where I know the names of less than half the people there.

I have come to the conclusion that I am bad at small talk and the little inconsequential conversations that help with meeting new people. I just don't know how to do it.

So I guess what I am offering is more commiseration than advice. 'Bum-ittude' is a good word. I will add it to my vocabulary as a synonym for situations where I use 'lazy-assedness'.

I have always found that the way I meet people best is through people I already know. This only becomes a problem when you move somewhere where you don't know anyone! I still know very few people here and I've been here four years. We have a few local (good) friends but fewer than I've ever had before.

And the "we" may be part of the problem, too. We spent the last ten days in Seattle, where we lived before moving here, and I realized how much we had separate friends there - or rather, the same friends that we hung out with separately or to separate degrees. I made friends in Seattle through a friend from high school, but I made friends because as much as I enjoyed my alone-time when I first got there, eventually I became desparate for someone to talk to. I began to join clubs and go on outings and volunteer as a way to make friends before I hooked back up with my high school friend. Since we've been here I find that it is so much easier not to bother when you have a built-in friend at home. And yet I think having other friends individually and together makes that friendship at home that much better.

So that's my philosophy for the day. This is not particularly helpful, but I guess you can see that I sympathize!