darkfyre_muse: (TV tights)
I own you people about a hundred posts. I also need to clean my car, this seems more interesting. Let's start with an update.

January was good. March is going well so far. February was pretty craptastic. Once again proving that little catastrophes can make me tail spin. Live learn and get over it. (I am also officially not allowed to say 'rocks fall, everyone dies.' Some say it was having a negative impact on my attitude. go figure)

Let's stick to the good and the present. Spring seems to be settling in. There has been rainy and warm(-ish) days in the last week. Makes me happy. I am finding actual job listings that I am actually qualified for to apply to. It's a good thing. I also made a post to my professional blog yesterday, with hopefully more to come. ( http://architectsmuse.blogspot.com/ ) It was just a link with a comment, but its a start. I find that being an active member of the internet makes me happier than just being a consumer. That just means fighting my innate tendency to just lurk. Bad lurker no cookie.

Attending a birthday party tonight for some good friends, promises to be much fun, complete with cupcakes. My hair is currently a bright shiny red that sparkles in the sun. I have a fire spinning gig in May. Not paid, but performing is performing and it has been far to long since I felt that rush.

The mental health front is improving as well. I am working at getting out of my comfort zone and doing positive productive things involving other human beings. People are good, so interaction should be a good thing. Learning new coping techniques for when things get derailed. Habits to get into now while things are good so I will remember to do them when things aren't. I also dropped the dosage of one med to reduce side effects. It got rid of the one we were concerned with, but I just found out that the same drug is most likely contributing to my lack of attention span recently. It's not the only reason, but getting off it would help.

All to the good. Let's see, what else? Doing more reading this month than I have in awhile. You can pop over to goodreads ( http://www.goodreads.com/review/list/4740272-megan?shelf=currently-reading ) to see what I've been up to. Still looking for good, engaging non-fiction, so let me know if you know of something great.

kk that's all for now.
darkfyre_muse: (kill coffee)
Yea I suck,but you all read anyway. weird.

So what's been going on?

resumes resumes resumes (ew.) and a coverletter (double ew.) even some networking. (no I don't really know how but don't tell anyone that) So I am getting stuff out there and that is good. Let's hope I get something back.

Last Saturday was wine and cheese and good friends and conversation.

But there was snow too. Have I mentioned I hate snow? Especially when mixed with icy nastiness that kills cars. It isn't totally dead but we're not sure if it's worth fixing. (yes this is from 2 weeks ago but there has been a delay and we're still sorting shit out.)

Wednesday was goat shearing with reedrover. It was fun, I even got to wrangle a goat for the first time. But my fun was cut short by some bad timing and a pre-scheduled webinar.

Thursday I finished my Green Building continuing education. Well sort of. All they credits are complete they just won't let me submit it until "closer to your due date". WTF!

The last 2 weeks have been rough in all the ways I don't have words for. I perpetually have things to say but not a voice to say them with. Working on that I promise.

ciao ciao
darkfyre_muse: (spiral)
I need one. I haven't been looking hard enough, or for the last few months at all. It's time to get back out there. My brain is just about balanced again so I should work on balancing my life now. Having to do some recent paperwork towards my registration exams has got me thinking and moving in that direction. So I am basically writing this for myself as some inspirational musing/navelgazing.

So every now and then we all get asked questions like these:
"Are you actually happy with your what you do for a living, is it something you want to do for 20 years or the rest of your life. Why, what do you want to accomplish, what makes it meaningful to you?"
I thought now seemed like an appropriate time to answer them. )
darkfyre_muse: (pilze)
So terminal (almost) angst ridden procrastination leads to panic leads to more angst more panic, self induced all nighter. (Not to mention early morning Bios FAIL on the laptop)

OMG we DIE now!!
darkfyre_muse: (TV tights)
I need to start doing these in Word when I think of them. Lots of ideas when I have no access to the web. Can't remember a damn one when I sit down to the interwebs. :P merf.
So I guess some bullets:

--> I have not totally lost all progress in the last five weeks. My formal from 6 years ago fits again and I have been comfortably wearing my size 4.5 engagement ring the last 2 days.

--> unpacking is moving along. Slowly but surely the house is taking shape. Hopefully we will be ready for guests in a week or so.

--> Interwebs hook-up scheduled for Monday. grrr...

--> Job hunt commencing. Going to do some networking with old employer Friday. Starting to design the portfolio add in for my resume. If anyone has any contacts in the architecture/building/design world I would love to meet them.

--> wine tasting and MC ball planned for Saturday. One is decidedly more fun sounding than the other.

--> I am currently perversely addicted to Legend of the Seeker. And no it is not a good translation of the books. Much to my dismay.

kk running off. More tomorrow.
darkfyre_muse: (scorch)
I started a post saturday but never finished.
"I am feeling very dysphoric right now.
Edgy, almost, though not quite, paranoid.
Feeling full of potential, but not motivated."

So that was my weekend. I hate feeling like that. I didn't get done nearly what I "needed" to. And that feeling that I should have accomplished more usually means that I start reducing my sleep in the hopes of catching up. You can see where this is going. No where good. Last night was the most sleep I've gotten all week. 5 hours. Stellar.

Work has been alright. I have been doing sections of existing buildings for a new project. It isn't my favorite thing but at least sections are interesting. So just about enough work to keep me mostly engaged. This is a nice change.

I leave for Burning Man in 14 hours!! So excited!!! A whole week in the desert with fantastic friends, art and lots of fire. It'll be good to be in a place where I fit and don't have to censor my brain.
The car is mostly packed I'll leave tonight after work.

Probably more of an update later.
darkfyre_muse: (journal)
I am finally moving forward with my green build and sustainable design blog.
Check it out at:
darkfyre_muse: (river's feet)
Busy busy lots of stress, but some happy happenings sprinkled in.
The biggest in both these categories is studying for, the heinous stress part, and passing my LEED A.P. exam. This the US Green Build Council's professional certification. ( www.usgbc.org ) This is the national organization that defines and certifies 'green buildings'. Although the term 'green building' is currently in an ambiguous state similar to where organic was 15 years ago. It has meaning, definitions and criteria. All of which are interpreted and defined differently by many groups. The USGBC is striving to change that.

This was a big deal for 2 reasons. One the test is difficult and involves at lot of memorization. Not my strong suit. More importantly though, it was a big step in my professional development. Failing it would have been pretty devastating, and expensive. Whereas passing it has given me a lot of confidence in aggressively pursuing the 10 exams required for my Architect's license. I didn't realize until after the LEED exam, how overwhelmingly intimidated I have been by all of them. So here's to personal and professional growth.

More good stuff.
This week I have been reminded how much I truly enjoy object manipulation. I now have 2 sets of fans, 2 batons, a 5' staff and a boken. And have spent enough time with each that they are starting to feel like an extension of my body. Especially the staff. Both contact (body rolls and other manipulations not using the hands) and spinning have a flow and a rhythm in tune with my body. I did competitive baton for 10 years when I was younger (8-18), but haven't done much since. Though sometimes my body could feel the movements and want to do them. whether I had something in my hand or not. I went to a fan workshop on Saturday up in LA. It was amazing. I was the only person in a class taught by one of the best fan spinners in the US. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WtbWjHKdU-E she's a bit more polished now, this was about 9 months ago) Mainly we concentrated on tosses, hand placement and transitions and advance plain positions (behind the back etc). Much much fun and well worth the drive.

Headed to NoVA this weekend for a wedding reception and catching up with people. Waffles with [livejournal.com profile] julesk and [livejournal.com profile] wahyagar Saturday. Brunch gathering at [livejournal.com profile] kaelikat's on Sunday. And afternoon coffee (mmm...coffee) with [livejournal.com profile] drlori and [livejournal.com profile] sometimerose(and baby!). Maybe even some baby goats.

Hopefully more later.
darkfyre_muse: (kill coffee)
Yep I have now joined the ranks of the state workers. Four furlough fridays a month. Yep kids that's 20%.

Honestly with the amount of personal stuff I have going on and utter boredom in the office I'm not too upset. It's just a bit nerve wracking.
darkfyre_muse: (jin)
Hmmm.. me thinks terminal angst is receding. This is very very goo, this were sorta starting to implode there for a while.

Today I feel very positive, highly motivated and possibly optimistic. Eminent fear of certain upcoming events is lessening. Though one should never under estimate my ability to rapidly switch from bouncy to terrified. Yea maybe I should do something about that. (I am the most optimistic pessimist I know.)

I am currently at my desk bouncing on the balance ball. Yes I have indeed returned to eliciting odd looks from coworkers by Eschewing my desk chair for a 55cm ball. It is good for my posture and consequently my neck/arm issues. Plus bouncing is much more fun than spinning. )
darkfyre_muse: (pixie)
If you keep up with facebook during the day, which I shamefully now do thank you [livejournal.com profile] vilejynx, you may have noticed that the morning brought me freaking out with an afternoon of feeling yucky. (incidentally these always go together. The second almost always follows the first) And really it wasn't anything dramatic or noteworthy. (And is really only being mentioned because someone asked and I needed to post tonight. Thank you [livejournal.com profile] sometimerose for asking.) Just a lot of little stuff piling up. Too many Christmas errands not yet done. Increasing anxiety over that test I have been studying for. And general end of a deployment stress. (They warn you about it but that really doesn't help much.)

So I came home, made some macaroni and fell asleep to Underworld:Evolution around 8. And now I am up and can get some stuff done.
darkfyre_muse: (abby nerds)
This is only one reason I love this office. An email sent from owner #1:

"Hi All:
Due to the delay in getting some of our new work started, (owner #2) and I have decided we should all enjoy the “down time” as it doesn’t happen every year. Therefore, we will close the office starting noon on Dec 24th and will reopen on Monday January 5th. The following days will be paid holidays.

1-5 pm Dec 24th
Dec 25, 26, 29, 30, 31
January 1,2"

Do you know what this means children?
darkfyre_muse: (Default)
Just a reminder that a student mentality is important. And I have been away FAR too long. I'm taking a software class this week for a new CAD program. Revit. It is revolutionally different from traditional AutoCad, though for better or worse by the same company.

I was extremely resistant to the whole idea most of yesterday. Holy crap I'm only 30 and less than 10 years in the field, I need to be way more flexible than that. Today I am really getting more into it and excited to do some experimenting on my own.

Something to watch and fight against. Architecture is not a field where I can afford to be complacent. So back to the books for me.
darkfyre_muse: (TV tights)
It's 1030, early. It feels late. I do know why. And I am searching the net for happy. Really though it's not a bad night just really mellow. So some Firefly, some Angel, chocolate cupcakes and YouTube. (Celtic Thunder, look it up. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlnLk4Y_kKM&NR=1 )

As [livejournal.com profile] wayhagar and [livejournal.com profile] julesk can atest to I have had way too much free time at work. (gotta love gchat)

So other than bothering my friends, what have I been wasting my time on? )
darkfyre_muse: (ncis)
but REALLY busy. I don't even know where to start. OK at the beginning.

Monday -- The previously mentioned back-check went very smoothly. Three hours, in out relatively painless. So much so that my boss gave me the day off. SQUEE!
I went home with conflicting urges to DO a million things and a yearning to do nothing. Nothing one out. SOme EQ, some Moonlight, some brain candy.

Tuesday -- That urge to bring order to my environment dominated my morning, so I indulged in it and went in to work late. I felt more relaxed than I have in weeks. Which is good..
Tuesday night = therapy. A whole post in itself. We have, finally, reached that uncomfortable phase. icky.

Wednesday & Thursday -- relaxed productivity at work and much slack in the evenings. Minimal cleaning, lots of gaming and lots of Moonlight. (notice current addiction. I downloaded all 12 episodes and have watched straight through twice this week. I am joyous to learn that a new episode is blocked for 4/25. THough I am realistic enough to know that the chance of a second season is less than certain. Way less.)

Today -- Lots more work productivity. Though very frustrating and mind twisting in the very nature of the task. Thinking to cut out a tad early and pop in Sunday to re-assess with fresh eyes and brain.

Well that's enough for now. More later as inspiration hits.

peace + joy + calm
darkfyre_muse: (rainbow fairy)
Everything is out of the office. Gone done untakebackable. The pressure is lifted, a calm descends upon the office. Everyone is quiet and passive. AND the mandatory OT has been rescinded. We are in a holding pattern during a redesign of the final phase. I came in at 8 today and damn does that hour make a difference.

The weather today has been perfect. The morning was cool and grey for my drive in. But by lunch it had burned off and is now sunny with light puffy clouds. Not oppressively sunny, just nice and comfortable. I got out at lunch and was majorly productive. I found a new eye doctor and a colorist/stylist. Two things I hate looking for and have needed for the last 3 years. (My initial experiences with the above in CA were less that acceptable.) I also found a pottery painting place and a new restaurant. This also indicates to me that I do need sunlight and sleep, much to the contrary of my otherwise mopey assertions.

The creative juices are flowing and I feel motivated and productive. Hopefully I can keep it going. (by brute force if required.)

The introduction to deployment is moving forward. I find that really don't think about where he is, such that since its just 2 weeks it feels like any other TDY/training. Better actually since I know that he will be back at about the time the novelty of living alone again has worn off.

Happy Friday to you all.

peace + hope + joy
darkfyre_muse: (fae wire)
duh! But who said I ever used that brain God gave me for good. As Sam Elliot says "I'll sleep when I'm dead." or something like that. Musing and reading and watching movies. Didn't work any extra overtime today. That was nice. Didn't get in til 7 and ducked out at 4:30. The submittal went to the printer at noon and I switched off to something else after lunch. Its all somebody else's problem now. At least for a little while. Fortunately unlike in July this one was only one school and a simpler project to boot. So only one week of insanity not 3.

well I should get to sleep. Six comes early.

peace love hope


Oct. 3rd, 2007 18:05
darkfyre_muse: (kill coffee)
Grumble, grumble.. /sticks tongue out at the world.

So music goodness to get through the work day.

The Playlist:

Lips of an Angel – Hinder
Here Without You – 3 Doors Down
How to Save a Life – The Fray
Old City Bar – Trans-Siberian Orchestra
Change the World – Young Dubliners
Mary – The Young Dubliners
Nightswimming – REM
It Can’t Rain All the Time – Jane Siberry
Lips of an Angel – Hinder (addictive)
Here Without You – 3 Doors Down (addictive)
How to Save a Life – The Fray (addictive)
Jesus of Suburbia – Green Day
‘Insidious’ -- Mephisto Walz
Best of Nosferatu

peace + joy + music
darkfyre_muse: (pixie)
Uh..no. I really have no idea how many hours I worked in the last 3 weeks. (I now have a more immense respect for [livejournal.com profile] annybird's work week. How do you do it all year?) Well things are slowing down again. Deadline one is done, sort of. We're still mopping up loose ends for the client and contractor bid but, the building department set is gone. And now we start all over with the next 2 schools. ugh. The hope is that this will go smoother since the format is the same. The design is different but the submittal format and technical specs are similar. As long as we don't get smacked by soils, civil or structural problems it should be pretty smooth. Plus I have learned a ton about working with the team I have and am more aware of what I am not doing and should be.

I pretty much slept and read all weekend. Mmm..that feels better. Today was weird. Just trying to ease out of overdrive and back into the real world. Hopefully the PA will cease to be so exasperated. It really puts a pall on the day, and doesn't do a damn thing for his productivity. Nor mine.

The organization of space is going quite well. I am into my second week of not having 'stuff' piling up on my desk, nor any of the flat surfaces in my house. And no dishes in the sink.

Tonight I'm feeling pretty ambitious. Mainly some creative like stuff and shopping/organizing/hunting for stuff for TMT. And yes I am getting Steve a kilt. He might not wear it but, he hasn't definitively said no.

Well time to run off.

peace + love + solace
darkfyre_muse: (pls die)
I get the most bizarre thoughts in my head at the strangest times. Such as this gem. At 4pm on a sunny friday afternoon. I may be getting frustrated with work. Or I may just be that random. I've always really liked the last sentence.

"Who am I? I'm Susan Ivanova, Commander, daughter of Andrei and Sofie Ivanov. I am the right hand of vengeance, and the boot that is gonna kick your sorry ass all the way back to Earth, sweetheart. I'm death incarnate and the last living thing that you're ever going to see. God sent me."
-- Ivanova in Babylon 5:"Between the Darkness and the Light"

Can I be her when I grow up? I promise to use my powers for good. (You know the vengeful variety, chaotic good.)

Mmmm...tasty sci-fi goodness.

January 2017


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