darkfyre_muse: (TV tights)
I own you people about a hundred posts. I also need to clean my car, this seems more interesting. Let's start with an update.

January was good. March is going well so far. February was pretty craptastic. Once again proving that little catastrophes can make me tail spin. Live learn and get over it. (I am also officially not allowed to say 'rocks fall, everyone dies.' Some say it was having a negative impact on my attitude. go figure)

Let's stick to the good and the present. Spring seems to be settling in. There has been rainy and warm(-ish) days in the last week. Makes me happy. I am finding actual job listings that I am actually qualified for to apply to. It's a good thing. I also made a post to my professional blog yesterday, with hopefully more to come. ( http://architectsmuse.blogspot.com/ ) It was just a link with a comment, but its a start. I find that being an active member of the internet makes me happier than just being a consumer. That just means fighting my innate tendency to just lurk. Bad lurker no cookie.

Attending a birthday party tonight for some good friends, promises to be much fun, complete with cupcakes. My hair is currently a bright shiny red that sparkles in the sun. I have a fire spinning gig in May. Not paid, but performing is performing and it has been far to long since I felt that rush.

The mental health front is improving as well. I am working at getting out of my comfort zone and doing positive productive things involving other human beings. People are good, so interaction should be a good thing. Learning new coping techniques for when things get derailed. Habits to get into now while things are good so I will remember to do them when things aren't. I also dropped the dosage of one med to reduce side effects. It got rid of the one we were concerned with, but I just found out that the same drug is most likely contributing to my lack of attention span recently. It's not the only reason, but getting off it would help.

All to the good. Let's see, what else? Doing more reading this month than I have in awhile. You can pop over to goodreads ( http://www.goodreads.com/review/list/4740272-megan?shelf=currently-reading ) to see what I've been up to. Still looking for good, engaging non-fiction, so let me know if you know of something great.

kk that's all for now.
darkfyre_muse: (TV tights)
Life is going well. Being productive most days getting resumes out the door and catching up on my continuing education stuff. Should have all of that done by next wednesday. Therapy is on hold for the next 2 weeks as she is out on emergency leave. /shrug So it goes. I am maintaining momentum at the moment so let's hope I can keep it up.

Have been keeping up with social as well. (the only down being that it is doing crap for the whole eating healthy thing.) Some club nights, lots of gaming, a wedding and gaming and even some familial socialness going on.
Tonight I went to the theater with quixotic_goat. We have season tickets to the Studio Theater, which means once every other month we are required to go out for something different. Tonight's offering was amazing. Marcus; or the Secret of Sweet, (http://www.studiotheatre.org/calendar/view.aspx?id=1505) is about a young man comin to terms with his sexuality and how it fits into his life as a black man in rural Louisiana. It is running through the 20th and I highly recommend checking it out.

Hopefully there will be more later.
darkfyre_muse: (Default)
I started this on the third, I'll finish it now.

There is a lot I need to accomplish this year.
Some are pretty straight forward. Make my gym time more regular. Floss. Eat more vegetables.

Some are more complicated.
Get a job.
Buy a house.
Find a therapist.
Make progress with said therapist.

Make progress on a few. Violently avoiding the rest.
darkfyre_muse: (box science)
which means I don't write enough.
Also means I am generally not exercising the brain enough.

use it or lose it in the brain pan area I guess.

So how do you stimulate your brain?
out of the gutter you pervs! ;)

So...

Nov. 9th, 2010 13:18
darkfyre_muse: (david)
For everyone that was subjected to my angst last week, I apologize. Some of the stuff posted was melodramatic and while true not the whole truth.

On that note how about the question meme. Got a probing, interesting question? Ask away. Comments are screened. Let me know if you want it unscreened.
darkfyre_muse: (river's feet)
“If you’re bored with life...or you don’t get up every morning
with a burning desire to do things...you don’t have enough
goals.” -Lou Holtz

So if boredom is the symptom I guess I need to make some goals. Concrete plans. defined goals. real time frames.
darkfyre_muse: (goth zen)
So I find that not only am I enjoying spending time with all the friends I already, have I am actually enjoying meeting new people. (Which is good considering the number that I am being introduced to these days)In the past it isn't so much that I haven't enjoyed meeting new people, more that whether I liked them or not, the whole process was rather stress producing. The whole "OMG no one is going to like me ever!" thing is starting to get less frequent. It's still there and I haven't quite gotten comfortable enough to just pick up a conversation with strangers, but things are better than they were. Heck the fact that I am willing to actually go out to meet said new people is a huge improvement from earlier this year.
darkfyre_muse: (paint hand)
I think my muse is taunting me. She will pop up and throw out the loveliest, most beautiful ideas, then run off and hide under a hidden rock. Err...thanks. Really. Inspired lack of motivation is so much fun.

So how does one capture a muse long enough to actually create something beautiful. Can I catch her in a book like a pressed faerie? Probably not.
Working on that one.

Made a good start last night started laying out collages of the trip east and the piercings. Also going through older work for more ideas.
darkfyre_muse: (snowflake)
a situational extrovert?

I still and probably will always identify as an introvert. And it is still very true that I find social interaction ultimately tiring regardless of my response in the moment. But I am finding more and more that, given the right circumstances, I can be/appear to be a strong extrovert. Take my volunteer training course today. It was a topic I am familiar and enthusiastic about, teaching swimming and teaching people with disabilities. I am excited about the topics and about the opportunity, so I found myself one of 4 people in the class of 30 or so actually participating in the discussion. Part way through I actually detached from the moment a bit and said "hunh? weird". It is similar to when I am around friends that I find interesting I sometimes never seem to shut up.

Now all that said, in both cases I will needed ample downtime alone, not saying anything, to recover. With all the fun I am having this weekend, I will still be very ready to not speak on Monday, probably all day.
darkfyre_muse: (tiny dancer)
Main Entry: love
Part of Speech: verb
Definition: adore, like very much
Synonyms: admire, adulate, be attached to, be captivated by, be crazy about, be enamored of, be enchanted by, be fascinated with, be fond of, be in love with, canonize, care for, cherish, choose, deify, delight in, dote on, esteem, exalt, fall for, fancy, glorify, go for, gone on, have affection for, have it bad, hold dear, hold high, idolize, long for, lose one's heart to, prefer, prize, put on pedestal, think the world of, thrive with, treasure, venerate, wild for, worship


I've been thinking about love and relationships a lot recently. And passion and connection. )
darkfyre_muse: (river's feet)
And what giving me the ability to post? Fortune cookies.

Since Steve doesn't eat his, we often end up with several lying about the house. Perfect afternoon snack.

So, my fortunes in order:
"When winter comes heaven will rain success on you."
err not sure I can wait that long.

"You should be able to undertake and complete anything."
a couple of you keep claiming this. not sure i'm buying it. love you all, but still suspicious.

"Nature time and patience are the three great physicians."
as lisa would say "fuck yea!"


food for thought.
darkfyre_muse: (stompy boots)
All epic journeys involve at least one night spent in the car.

I love old bricks.

Whenever I start a job search I need to be sure to spend a little time, or a lot, doing things that remind me why I love what I do. I spent all of this morning and some of the afternoon wandering around St Louis taking pictures of houses and street lamps and old warehouses and power plants. It was very good and it has been far too long since I have had the uninhibited desire to wander down random alleys and through not quite vacant lots. Of course as I was taking a series of shots of nice row houses in Layfette Park, it occurred to me. How does one prove that they are a trigger happy architecture bum and not casing houses? I should really figure that one out.

Headed onward to DC/NoVA.

More later.
darkfyre_muse: (journal)
I am finally moving forward with my green build and sustainable design blog.
Check it out at:
http://architectsmuse.blogspot.com/
darkfyre_muse: (river's feet)
Busy busy lots of stress, but some happy happenings sprinkled in.
The biggest in both these categories is studying for, the heinous stress part, and passing my LEED A.P. exam. This the US Green Build Council's professional certification. ( www.usgbc.org ) This is the national organization that defines and certifies 'green buildings'. Although the term 'green building' is currently in an ambiguous state similar to where organic was 15 years ago. It has meaning, definitions and criteria. All of which are interpreted and defined differently by many groups. The USGBC is striving to change that.

This was a big deal for 2 reasons. One the test is difficult and involves at lot of memorization. Not my strong suit. More importantly though, it was a big step in my professional development. Failing it would have been pretty devastating, and expensive. Whereas passing it has given me a lot of confidence in aggressively pursuing the 10 exams required for my Architect's license. I didn't realize until after the LEED exam, how overwhelmingly intimidated I have been by all of them. So here's to personal and professional growth.

More good stuff.
This week I have been reminded how much I truly enjoy object manipulation. I now have 2 sets of fans, 2 batons, a 5' staff and a boken. And have spent enough time with each that they are starting to feel like an extension of my body. Especially the staff. Both contact (body rolls and other manipulations not using the hands) and spinning have a flow and a rhythm in tune with my body. I did competitive baton for 10 years when I was younger (8-18), but haven't done much since. Though sometimes my body could feel the movements and want to do them. whether I had something in my hand or not. I went to a fan workshop on Saturday up in LA. It was amazing. I was the only person in a class taught by one of the best fan spinners in the US. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WtbWjHKdU-E she's a bit more polished now, this was about 9 months ago) Mainly we concentrated on tosses, hand placement and transitions and advance plain positions (behind the back etc). Much much fun and well worth the drive.

Headed to NoVA this weekend for a wedding reception and catching up with people. Waffles with [livejournal.com profile] julesk and [livejournal.com profile] wahyagar Saturday. Brunch gathering at [livejournal.com profile] kaelikat's on Sunday. And afternoon coffee (mmm...coffee) with [livejournal.com profile] drlori and [livejournal.com profile] sometimerose(and baby!). Maybe even some baby goats.

Hopefully more later.
darkfyre_muse: (box science)
So as mentioned last month, or was it October?, I am trying to be a better citizen of the world and strive to keep up on current events. This includes domestic, world, and professional areas. To this end I try to read 2 or 3 articles at WSJ online everyday and am broadening my exposure to the blogosphere. With that in mind this post by Ms. Trunk really bugged me. Cut for length )

Jumping off the soapbox now.
darkfyre_muse: (fae wire)
and just can't get them out, dammit. I am currently reading a book called "Finding Your Bipolar Muse". And one of the quotes pretty much sums up the last 15 or so years of my life.(Yes Half of it) "When I am in a mixed state I get all these ideas about writing and art and working but, I have no energy or motivation to do anything with them." Basically things get stuck in my head. (which is why often my lists of posts to make is huge but I never get around to doing anything about. And why often when I finally do write them down I apologize first about subjecting you to my drivel. {I actually haven't done that in awhile, neat.}) And why I cry when I write.

So since I seem to keep missing my opportunities to get this stuff out I am going to dump a list here and start picking through it. What I have been thinking about, musing over and generally distracted by )

Other than all that things of been pretty up and down. I thought that I had kicked the general depressed funk that I've been in since Burning Man a couple weeks ago. And I had, sort of. I traded it for some rapid cycling and mixed states. I have an appointment in 2 weeks and am deciding what to say when I get there.

Oh yea and I found a new DENTIST!! I know I know you are currently giving me an odd look and wondering why this is so exciting. Well #1 he wasn't mean to me. I don't know the last time you went looking for one or how long it had been between visits but in my experience and that of others I know closely dentists can be relatively callous, sometimes mean and generally unsympathetic to people that have emotional(fear/anxiety) and financial problems seeking out dental care. I am trying to not hate the profession as a whole. Currently Dr. Godinez is their only hope imo. It didn't hurt that I didn't have any cavities or disintegrating fillings.
darkfyre_muse: (crayons)
when you look up and someone 'grew up' when you weren't looking.
You never thought of them as less, until they were suddenly more. I can't even put my finger on why, they just are.
darkfyre_muse: (thought)
The following is posted as a direct quote from the journal of [livejournal.com profile] on_a_hill. I agree with her take on the importance of it. For all that I angst over my life, in the end I am Incredibly fortunate. I have friends who have lived through things that would more than likely have broken me. I do not express gratitude nearly often enough and it has been far too long since I put back into the world that which I have not just taken but been given outright.

--------------------------------------------
Privilege Meme (yes, I'm doing it) )
darkfyre_muse: (wings)
So today my head was swimming with ideas and plans and desires. Dreams and goals and wants. So around 4 pm I decided that tonight was new year's eve. Tomorrow is the auspicious day when the world is fresh and new. Why wait 2 months to begin what I know I want? So no fast food or tv tonight. Warm goodness and soft candles. Some reading some writing some planning. I'm not going to expound on specifics. Suffice to say that I am feeling bright shiny optimism the blessid eve.

peace + hope + love
darkfyre_muse: (rainbow fairy)
So it occurs to me that you all get to hear me constantly bitching (or alternately crying some weeks) and may not know how awesome my life really is. So a little taste of why you want my life.

I have the most incredible husband. No shit we won the fairytale. I heard a comedian talk about 'love magic' once. Its being totally in awe of your loved one regardless of what they're doing. Yep, got it plan on keeping it.

I have an interesting, stimulating, growing career that makes society better. Most days I feel pretty damn smart to boot.

I am pretty physically healthy. And constantly learning and working to improve it.

We really do have enough money to do what we want and save for the future.

I have cool hair.

"Its not having what you want, its wanting what you've got."
- Sheryl Crow, Soak up the Sun

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